RLI
Member
G,day folks this is the prelude to the Nightmares and More thread! Enjoy!
When my family and I moved from Tasmania to the Coffs Harbour region in 2008, I new I had to have another 4 x 4 and on a sunny morning in January 2010, whilst at my usual Friday morning breakfast club meeting (bullshit session with the lads), I bantered around an idea to plan a trip to Cape York. All the lads agreed that was a great idea and that triggered me back into the 4 x 4 mode. Before we could even entertain a trip to Cape York we all needed to purchase competent and reliable 4 x 4’s and this is where my nightmare part 1 begins!
Over the years I have had many 4 x 4’s, my first being an old 1966 series 2 Land Rover, then a Toyota 1975 FJ40, 1986 Toyota HJ75 ute, 1988 Ford F100 ute, 1985 Range Rover (what a pile of shit), 1990 Nissan GQ 3lt petrol Patrol, 1992 Nissan GQ TI 4.2 petrol Patrol (Unfortunately I sank that at Moreton Island, that’s another story!), 1994 GQ Nissan ST 4.2 turbo-intercooled diesel Dual-Cab (What a weapon, I still get a hard-on thinking about that car) then finally a 1999 GU ST 4.2 turbo-intercooled diesel on gas, (another weapon, sold her in 2006).
This time I decided to go with another dual cab to suit my family’s needs. After carefully researching and test driving every 4 x 4 dual-cab type manufacturer, I decided on a Nissan Navara D22 3lt diesel. With the type of vehicle decided on, I then franticly perused all the various motor vehicle web-sites on a daily basis until I found the car that I was looking for.
One Monday morning around 7.00am I said “Bingo! I found one”, a 2006 D22 STR 5 speed manual 3lt diesel with 50,000ks on the clock going for only $21,500.00, “you f- - -king beauty I said”, “that will do me”. I grab the phone and rang Abdullah who lived in Sydney. I asked Abdullah what was his best price! He replied “mate, I can do it mate, say for 20 grand mate” I said “sold mate!” (With-out the Arabic accent) I paid for a Vehicle History Check report and everything appeared above board so to speak! I then paid a deposit into Abdullah’s bank account ($500.00). Excited, I then booked a flight from Coffs Harbour to Sydney on the Wednesday morning (2days later). Abdullah rang back and confirmed that he had received the deposit and that he would pick me up at 9.40am on the Wednesday. (“RLI mate, I received the money mate, I picka you up mate, froms de airport mate, see a ya mate” he said) At this stage I was happy as a pig in shit! Yehaa baby I am in action again!
Tuesday night at 8.00pm, Abdullah’s mother calls to inform my wife and me that Abdullah had accidentally sold his car to another person. I WAS F- - -KING FURIOUS! That the “Goat Stroking, Sheet Wearing, Camel Sodomizing Faggot” had sold the car! I ask, “How can you accidentally sell a car to someone else” As my wife was organising for our deposit to be returned from Abdullah’s mother, I tried unsuccessfully to ring Abdullah on his mobile phone. (The f- - -ker had turned it off). What made this situation even worse, was I had a non- refundable airline ticket. ( the c- -t!) This is the sort of guy that would be butt f—king one of his camel jockey mate’s, too stingy to give his mate a reach-around when he is enjoying hammer toning his mates arse!. At that time I was starting to think extremely violent thought’s that could not be aired on this website!
Wednesday morning at 10.30am, while still contemplating on a Master Chef recipe for roasting Abdullah’s carcass. My darling wife stumbled on another D22 Navara, this time on E-Bay Australia (not the Muslim Trading Post). This Navara was a stock standard 2004 STR 5 speed manual 3lt diesel with 90,000ks on the clock located in Orange NSW. A bit apprehensive, I rang the phone number and a young bloke answered, his name was Matt. I asked how much he wanted for the car, he replied, “$16,000.00” for a second time I said “Sold mate” Matt informed me that he was heading away for the weekend, I said fine, I will be there tomorrow. Matt was excited that he had just sold his car and I was now feeling a lot happier that I had finally nailed one. Matt informed me the main reason for him selling his car was because he was only 20 years old; his insurance for the Navara was costing him $2,500.00 per year! ( “holy shit” I said to the poor prick.)
My wife and I then hit the airline websites in attempt to purchase a flight from Coffs to Sydney and then Sydney to Orange. Frustrated, by not being able to secure a flight or bus ticket from Coffs to Sydney, I started to sense another déjà vu situation occurring. Finally, we secured a train ticket in a sleeper cab from Coffs to Sydney. “Yehaa baby” I leave Coffs that night at 10.30pm and get into Sydney at 7.30am. I then get a 10.30am flight from Sydney to Orange, “you beauty all booked” I rang Matt and informed him that this adventure to get his car was a case of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, (Thinking out loud to myself, f—k, I hope this does not end up like the movie?) Matt then advised me that he would pick me up at the airport.
Wednesday 10.30PM, I board the night train to Sydney, the steward was very pleasant and he showed me the way to my sleeper cabin and then directed me to where the food and beverage carriage was located. All was going fine until I got to the food and beverage section of the train.
A group of 4 young indigenous blokes were giving bar staff a hard time because staff refused to serve them anymore alcohol. I ignored the group and proceeded to purchase some sandwiches and a cup of tea, when dick-brain 1 started; “Hey bloke only poofters drink tea hey mate! Buy yourself a beer mate, f—k it, at the same time you can buy us a beer to bloke” Because I refused to engage into a conversation with dick-brain 1, dick-brain 2 started; “Hey you f- -king deaf bloke” before I could answer, dick-brain 2, the two female bar staff, the cook and the trains conductor tried unsuccessfully to get these imbeciles to go back to there seats. That’s when “shit hit the fan blades”; dick-brain 1 and dick-brain 3 decided to king hit the train conductor. (Bad move!)
A five minute sparring session started resulting in dick-brains 1, 2 and 3 being nailed, whilst dick brain 4 ran screaming down the train’s corridor for help. The cook and I had taken control of the situation, whilst one of the female bar staff was attending to the conductor who was still in la la land on the floor. The other female staff member went to get security. One minute later security arrived at the scene. (F- -k me, I laughed to myself when I saw the security guard, this limp wristed git had the presence of a one legged man in an arse kicking competition.) No wonder he was not hanging around the food and beverage carriage. (This prick was as useless as tits on a bull!!).
A couple of more minutes go by when suddenly dick-brain 4 appears with his dad and uncle, typically, dick-brain 4 has the courage of King Kong and confronts the security guard cursing obscenities and accusing us all of being racists. Dick-brains 1, 2 and 3 start mouthing off again! This only lasted for a few seconds when I suddenly informed everyone present in a tactical loud voice shut the fuck-up or I will fucking flog both your dad and uncle. (That didn’t work) Dad hit’s the security guard and the security guard drops like a preverbal bag of shit! Another sort sparring session and Dad and Uncle now join dick-brains 1, 2 and 3 restrained on the floor by the cook, conductor and me, whilst dick-brain 4 ran again screaming down the train’s corridor for his mother!
The train conductor radios ahead to Kempsey Police station for help. Meanwhile Mum and the Aunt come back and verbally abusing us for next 20 minutes until the train stops at Kempsey. 1205am, it was great to see the coppers waiting at the station. Usual formalities occur, (place scumbags into back of police vehicles, exchange contact details).
12.20am train leaves Kempsey for Sydney. I was so pump-up, I just could not get to sleep. Finally arrive Sydney at 9.00am. Make it to airport just in time for flight to Orange. Arrive at Orange and I can see Matt and the Navara through the airport fence. Exchange pleasantries, I could not believe how good the condition the D22 was in. (I said to myself before I handed over the cash “you f—king little ripper!”) Paid Matt, at 11.00am, I left Orange bound for Sydney to finish some unfinished business.
Arrive in Bankstown / Sydney at 245pm at Abdullah the sodomizing faggot’s house. The look on this squeezers face when he found out that it was me at his front door was worth a million dollars! His mother and father turned out to be really lovely people. Unfortunately, both Abdullah and his little brother were c- nts. Typical all the threats of hostilities and obscenities whilst hidden behind their parents! (Tossers) Abdullah’s father when he was informed of what occurred paid me for the airline ticket, vehicle history check and my fuel costs back to Coffs Harbour. (What a gentleman).
Part 2 comming soon!
Regards,
RLI
Nightmare Part 1.
The adventures of RLI’ trip to Cape York.When my family and I moved from Tasmania to the Coffs Harbour region in 2008, I new I had to have another 4 x 4 and on a sunny morning in January 2010, whilst at my usual Friday morning breakfast club meeting (bullshit session with the lads), I bantered around an idea to plan a trip to Cape York. All the lads agreed that was a great idea and that triggered me back into the 4 x 4 mode. Before we could even entertain a trip to Cape York we all needed to purchase competent and reliable 4 x 4’s and this is where my nightmare part 1 begins!
Over the years I have had many 4 x 4’s, my first being an old 1966 series 2 Land Rover, then a Toyota 1975 FJ40, 1986 Toyota HJ75 ute, 1988 Ford F100 ute, 1985 Range Rover (what a pile of shit), 1990 Nissan GQ 3lt petrol Patrol, 1992 Nissan GQ TI 4.2 petrol Patrol (Unfortunately I sank that at Moreton Island, that’s another story!), 1994 GQ Nissan ST 4.2 turbo-intercooled diesel Dual-Cab (What a weapon, I still get a hard-on thinking about that car) then finally a 1999 GU ST 4.2 turbo-intercooled diesel on gas, (another weapon, sold her in 2006).
This time I decided to go with another dual cab to suit my family’s needs. After carefully researching and test driving every 4 x 4 dual-cab type manufacturer, I decided on a Nissan Navara D22 3lt diesel. With the type of vehicle decided on, I then franticly perused all the various motor vehicle web-sites on a daily basis until I found the car that I was looking for.
One Monday morning around 7.00am I said “Bingo! I found one”, a 2006 D22 STR 5 speed manual 3lt diesel with 50,000ks on the clock going for only $21,500.00, “you f- - -king beauty I said”, “that will do me”. I grab the phone and rang Abdullah who lived in Sydney. I asked Abdullah what was his best price! He replied “mate, I can do it mate, say for 20 grand mate” I said “sold mate!” (With-out the Arabic accent) I paid for a Vehicle History Check report and everything appeared above board so to speak! I then paid a deposit into Abdullah’s bank account ($500.00). Excited, I then booked a flight from Coffs Harbour to Sydney on the Wednesday morning (2days later). Abdullah rang back and confirmed that he had received the deposit and that he would pick me up at 9.40am on the Wednesday. (“RLI mate, I received the money mate, I picka you up mate, froms de airport mate, see a ya mate” he said) At this stage I was happy as a pig in shit! Yehaa baby I am in action again!
Tuesday night at 8.00pm, Abdullah’s mother calls to inform my wife and me that Abdullah had accidentally sold his car to another person. I WAS F- - -KING FURIOUS! That the “Goat Stroking, Sheet Wearing, Camel Sodomizing Faggot” had sold the car! I ask, “How can you accidentally sell a car to someone else” As my wife was organising for our deposit to be returned from Abdullah’s mother, I tried unsuccessfully to ring Abdullah on his mobile phone. (The f- - -ker had turned it off). What made this situation even worse, was I had a non- refundable airline ticket. ( the c- -t!) This is the sort of guy that would be butt f—king one of his camel jockey mate’s, too stingy to give his mate a reach-around when he is enjoying hammer toning his mates arse!. At that time I was starting to think extremely violent thought’s that could not be aired on this website!
Wednesday morning at 10.30am, while still contemplating on a Master Chef recipe for roasting Abdullah’s carcass. My darling wife stumbled on another D22 Navara, this time on E-Bay Australia (not the Muslim Trading Post). This Navara was a stock standard 2004 STR 5 speed manual 3lt diesel with 90,000ks on the clock located in Orange NSW. A bit apprehensive, I rang the phone number and a young bloke answered, his name was Matt. I asked how much he wanted for the car, he replied, “$16,000.00” for a second time I said “Sold mate” Matt informed me that he was heading away for the weekend, I said fine, I will be there tomorrow. Matt was excited that he had just sold his car and I was now feeling a lot happier that I had finally nailed one. Matt informed me the main reason for him selling his car was because he was only 20 years old; his insurance for the Navara was costing him $2,500.00 per year! ( “holy shit” I said to the poor prick.)
My wife and I then hit the airline websites in attempt to purchase a flight from Coffs to Sydney and then Sydney to Orange. Frustrated, by not being able to secure a flight or bus ticket from Coffs to Sydney, I started to sense another déjà vu situation occurring. Finally, we secured a train ticket in a sleeper cab from Coffs to Sydney. “Yehaa baby” I leave Coffs that night at 10.30pm and get into Sydney at 7.30am. I then get a 10.30am flight from Sydney to Orange, “you beauty all booked” I rang Matt and informed him that this adventure to get his car was a case of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, (Thinking out loud to myself, f—k, I hope this does not end up like the movie?) Matt then advised me that he would pick me up at the airport.
Wednesday 10.30PM, I board the night train to Sydney, the steward was very pleasant and he showed me the way to my sleeper cabin and then directed me to where the food and beverage carriage was located. All was going fine until I got to the food and beverage section of the train.
A group of 4 young indigenous blokes were giving bar staff a hard time because staff refused to serve them anymore alcohol. I ignored the group and proceeded to purchase some sandwiches and a cup of tea, when dick-brain 1 started; “Hey bloke only poofters drink tea hey mate! Buy yourself a beer mate, f—k it, at the same time you can buy us a beer to bloke” Because I refused to engage into a conversation with dick-brain 1, dick-brain 2 started; “Hey you f- -king deaf bloke” before I could answer, dick-brain 2, the two female bar staff, the cook and the trains conductor tried unsuccessfully to get these imbeciles to go back to there seats. That’s when “shit hit the fan blades”; dick-brain 1 and dick-brain 3 decided to king hit the train conductor. (Bad move!)
A five minute sparring session started resulting in dick-brains 1, 2 and 3 being nailed, whilst dick brain 4 ran screaming down the train’s corridor for help. The cook and I had taken control of the situation, whilst one of the female bar staff was attending to the conductor who was still in la la land on the floor. The other female staff member went to get security. One minute later security arrived at the scene. (F- -k me, I laughed to myself when I saw the security guard, this limp wristed git had the presence of a one legged man in an arse kicking competition.) No wonder he was not hanging around the food and beverage carriage. (This prick was as useless as tits on a bull!!).
A couple of more minutes go by when suddenly dick-brain 4 appears with his dad and uncle, typically, dick-brain 4 has the courage of King Kong and confronts the security guard cursing obscenities and accusing us all of being racists. Dick-brains 1, 2 and 3 start mouthing off again! This only lasted for a few seconds when I suddenly informed everyone present in a tactical loud voice shut the fuck-up or I will fucking flog both your dad and uncle. (That didn’t work) Dad hit’s the security guard and the security guard drops like a preverbal bag of shit! Another sort sparring session and Dad and Uncle now join dick-brains 1, 2 and 3 restrained on the floor by the cook, conductor and me, whilst dick-brain 4 ran again screaming down the train’s corridor for his mother!
The train conductor radios ahead to Kempsey Police station for help. Meanwhile Mum and the Aunt come back and verbally abusing us for next 20 minutes until the train stops at Kempsey. 1205am, it was great to see the coppers waiting at the station. Usual formalities occur, (place scumbags into back of police vehicles, exchange contact details).
12.20am train leaves Kempsey for Sydney. I was so pump-up, I just could not get to sleep. Finally arrive Sydney at 9.00am. Make it to airport just in time for flight to Orange. Arrive at Orange and I can see Matt and the Navara through the airport fence. Exchange pleasantries, I could not believe how good the condition the D22 was in. (I said to myself before I handed over the cash “you f—king little ripper!”) Paid Matt, at 11.00am, I left Orange bound for Sydney to finish some unfinished business.
Arrive in Bankstown / Sydney at 245pm at Abdullah the sodomizing faggot’s house. The look on this squeezers face when he found out that it was me at his front door was worth a million dollars! His mother and father turned out to be really lovely people. Unfortunately, both Abdullah and his little brother were c- nts. Typical all the threats of hostilities and obscenities whilst hidden behind their parents! (Tossers) Abdullah’s father when he was informed of what occurred paid me for the airline ticket, vehicle history check and my fuel costs back to Coffs Harbour. (What a gentleman).
Part 2 comming soon!
Regards,
RLI
