shaggy
Member
Enjoy
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down. After arranging for it to be transported to a garage he called his wife and told her that he would be late coming home as the mechanic quoted about 2 hours to fix a fuel injection problem. In the meantime he felt a bit hungry and elected to wander across the road to a small café where his eyes soon lit up when he noted baked beans on toast posted on the snack menu. Having refrained for so long his mouth immediately started to salivate. He knew that he just couldn’t resist the temptation and so, thinking he had ample time to get rid off any ill effects before he got home, he ravenously tucked into a double serve of beans. Feeling quite contented, he duly collected his car, opened all the windows and, with a smile on his face, randomly putt-putted his way home. By the time he drove into the driveway he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table in their large formal dining room and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang out in the back office. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a love sick skunk on steroids. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and frantically fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his other leg and forcibly let rip another reverberating toxic cloud !!! It sounded like an out of tune diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, silently praying the smell would quickly dissipate. He got another deep down urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook and the dishes & wine glasses on the table rattled. He hoped that his wife didn’t have any fresh decorative flowers about as they would surely now be in a well and truly withered state.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE !!!" To his absolute shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests (including both his and her parents & grandparents, their local church minister, and several close family friends) seated around the table, all desperately holding a napkin to their nose, with distorted faces in various shades of blue and gray, for his surprise birthday party.
P.S. What do you get if you eat baked beans and onions ? Tear gas.
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down. After arranging for it to be transported to a garage he called his wife and told her that he would be late coming home as the mechanic quoted about 2 hours to fix a fuel injection problem. In the meantime he felt a bit hungry and elected to wander across the road to a small café where his eyes soon lit up when he noted baked beans on toast posted on the snack menu. Having refrained for so long his mouth immediately started to salivate. He knew that he just couldn’t resist the temptation and so, thinking he had ample time to get rid off any ill effects before he got home, he ravenously tucked into a double serve of beans. Feeling quite contented, he duly collected his car, opened all the windows and, with a smile on his face, randomly putt-putted his way home. By the time he drove into the driveway he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table in their large formal dining room and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang out in the back office. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a love sick skunk on steroids. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and frantically fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his other leg and forcibly let rip another reverberating toxic cloud !!! It sounded like an out of tune diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, silently praying the smell would quickly dissipate. He got another deep down urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook and the dishes & wine glasses on the table rattled. He hoped that his wife didn’t have any fresh decorative flowers about as they would surely now be in a well and truly withered state.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE !!!" To his absolute shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests (including both his and her parents & grandparents, their local church minister, and several close family friends) seated around the table, all desperately holding a napkin to their nose, with distorted faces in various shades of blue and gray, for his surprise birthday party.
P.S. What do you get if you eat baked beans and onions ? Tear gas.
