RLI
Member
My wife and I have been married for 20 years, in that period I have never been admitted to hospital or suffered from any serious injury. Over the last 20 years, I have worked in the security industry as a weapons and defensive tactics instructor, close personal protection operative and night club security manager. I have had more fights than most people have had hot dinners.
However, over the last 10 months the following has occurred to me;
September 2011 Firstly, I missed out on the Navara muster last year due to sudden excruciating pain that occurred in the arse.
October 2011, this then led me to be hospitalized for 4 months due to the dreaded Gaddafi abscess attacking my pelvic floor muscle. (What a farking experience that was)
December 2011, then I was diagnosed with the dreaded Crohns disease (what a pisser)
January 2012, then I was advised that I have to have Remicade infusions every eight weeks for the rest of my life (thank your mother for the farking rabbits I said)
February 2012, I then tore the ligament in my left wrist whilst installing the suspension kit to the Patrol it took eight weeks to recover (fark me swinging I said )
March 2012, the specialist advises me that due to the many abscesses in my bowel that I should consider having my whole bowel removed. (“Like farkkkk I said”)
April 2012, I then tore a muscle in my right shoulder whilst working on my camper trailer; this took four weeks to recover. (What the fark am i doing wrong i said)
June 2012, wife tells me that we are expecting child number three (farkkkkkk meeeeee I said very calmly)
July 2012, two weeks ago I went out to the local watering hole with a few mates to celebrate/ (commiserate) the stunning/ (shocking) news that a 51 year old love-beast can still throw a leg! This turned into a disaster. After 3 hours of drinking the wife came to pick me up, I fell into the car. Got home and fell out of the car.
I went to bed, got out of bed after 2 minutes due to the bed started to spin, staggered into our en-suite and spent the next two hours driving the porcelain bus (the toilet bowl.) I cannot remember what happened next only to say I woke up farking throwing up all over the Para-medic. (I still cannot remember the wife hitting me with the farking frying pan)
Apparently, the wife alleges, that she heard one almighty crash, when she entered the bathroom she found me unconscious on the floor covered in blood surrounded by broken glass everywhere. As a nurse she could not stop the bleeding so she called the farking ambulance.
All I remember is that one sore and sorry love beast being taken to farking hospital whilst throwing up in a farking bucketl. 12 hours and 18 farking stitches later, I was finally discharged and sent home. (See photos attached for a farking good laugh)
I still cannot remember breaking any farking mirrors over the last 12 months. As I have previously stated on this forum when it comes to farking luck, (“if it rained farking vaginas, I would end up with a farking arse”!)
PS, is there any member on this forum that sells farking lucky charms? I need one farking ASAP!
Regards,
RLI
However, over the last 10 months the following has occurred to me;
September 2011 Firstly, I missed out on the Navara muster last year due to sudden excruciating pain that occurred in the arse.
October 2011, this then led me to be hospitalized for 4 months due to the dreaded Gaddafi abscess attacking my pelvic floor muscle. (What a farking experience that was)
December 2011, then I was diagnosed with the dreaded Crohns disease (what a pisser)
January 2012, then I was advised that I have to have Remicade infusions every eight weeks for the rest of my life (thank your mother for the farking rabbits I said)
February 2012, I then tore the ligament in my left wrist whilst installing the suspension kit to the Patrol it took eight weeks to recover (fark me swinging I said )
March 2012, the specialist advises me that due to the many abscesses in my bowel that I should consider having my whole bowel removed. (“Like farkkkk I said”)
April 2012, I then tore a muscle in my right shoulder whilst working on my camper trailer; this took four weeks to recover. (What the fark am i doing wrong i said)
June 2012, wife tells me that we are expecting child number three (farkkkkkk meeeeee I said very calmly)
July 2012, two weeks ago I went out to the local watering hole with a few mates to celebrate/ (commiserate) the stunning/ (shocking) news that a 51 year old love-beast can still throw a leg! This turned into a disaster. After 3 hours of drinking the wife came to pick me up, I fell into the car. Got home and fell out of the car.
I went to bed, got out of bed after 2 minutes due to the bed started to spin, staggered into our en-suite and spent the next two hours driving the porcelain bus (the toilet bowl.) I cannot remember what happened next only to say I woke up farking throwing up all over the Para-medic. (I still cannot remember the wife hitting me with the farking frying pan)
Apparently, the wife alleges, that she heard one almighty crash, when she entered the bathroom she found me unconscious on the floor covered in blood surrounded by broken glass everywhere. As a nurse she could not stop the bleeding so she called the farking ambulance.
All I remember is that one sore and sorry love beast being taken to farking hospital whilst throwing up in a farking bucketl. 12 hours and 18 farking stitches later, I was finally discharged and sent home. (See photos attached for a farking good laugh)
I still cannot remember breaking any farking mirrors over the last 12 months. As I have previously stated on this forum when it comes to farking luck, (“if it rained farking vaginas, I would end up with a farking arse”!)
PS, is there any member on this forum that sells farking lucky charms? I need one farking ASAP!
Regards,
RLI
