RLI
Member
“Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance”
10.55am whilst balancing on the rear wheel of my Patrol, my brother –in-law Ben is still in shock, while young Liam thinks this is great shit! I ask Ben to unwind the winch cable, Ben suddenly replied; “fark-me Paul, their no cable on the winch.” I then pivoted to look into the rear of the Patrol, shock horror!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No farking recovery gear in the back!!!! Farkkkkk meeeee, I said quietly!
Ben yells out “Paul I think you will have to call the NRMA or the Police for assistance mate” I said, Ben, settle down mate, do your call the farking bottle-shop if cannot unscrew a farking stubby? To easy I said, call your farken Dad and ask him to bring the farken recovery kit and the winch cable from home, we are only 15mins away. Ben calls Dave (father in-law) passes on the instructions. 10mins later, phone call from Dave, he can’t find the recovery kit, “farkkk-meee I said”, and then comes the reply he’s found it. 10 mins later another phone-call from the old-farker, this time he can’t find the farken winch cable! By now I cannot believe what is happening, (I am thinking to myself Murphy’s Law is starting to settle in!) By now cramp is now sneaking into my left leg whilst balancing on the farking Patrol. I yelled out “Dave you have farking eyes, please use them you old lovable old scrunt!” finally, he finds it, ooorahh, yee-haa; thank fark for that I said. Now get your farking arse out here ASAP.
Meanwhile, the first red-necks appear on the scene, like farking buzzard’s waiting to have ago at a dead carcass. Then the comments suddenly start from the peanut gallery; “I think your farked mate!, I don’t know how you are going to get out there? You might need a farken crane pal to lift you back down?” I just looked at the prick and said really! Then my farken brother in-law Ben starts to agree with these hillbilly scrotes! The only thing missing from these farken squeezers were the long jeans with braces. (Like in the old movie Deliverance) Minutes later a trail bike rider appears and offered to help, I advised him that my father-in-law was on his way with all the recovery gear that I needed. Fark-me all of a sudden the farken hillbillies think it’s a good idea to start taking farking photos and videos.
11.45 am now concerned by the redneck scrotes’ (especially when they have every second tooth missing and two of them even had fingers missing on their farken hands.) It turns out they all work for a local sawmill. However, the only thing that was going through my farking mind was the scene from the movie Deliverance, which is about inbreeds in a remote location in the US which captured a group of canoeists. Remember the famous scene (“Squeal like a piggie”). I am thinking to myself (Thank fark for the brother in-law and his 15 year-old step son, if I have to sacrifice them to the hillbillies so be it!)
12.15pm finally the father in-law turns up with Bens wife Lisa who followed him out in their hire car, I yelled out what the fark took you so long, the old prick replies; “we got lost” (I am saying to myself why me o ‘lord, why me!!!!!) At last Ben staggers up the hill with the recovery gear in hand, by now my legs are farking killing me whilst balancing on the rear wheel of the Patrol; it had been over an hour painstakingly farking hanging on. Quickly we secured the Patrol with snatch straps and rope tied through the front and rear passenger side door pillars, anchored it back 20 meters to a tree. Fark-me!! I could finally let go.
After watching Ben stagger/slip and then roll down the farken hill, I ask the father in-law where the winch cable is. The farker hands Ben a $10.00 Bunning’s store coiled up rope that he found in one of the cupboards in my garage!!! My farking jaw hit the farking ground; I said what the fark is that shit? I could not believe that the old farker thought that was winch cable, especially when we had conducted several winching exercisers over the years together. (What a farking tosser!)
12.45pm I jump into the father in-laws patrol, told Ben and Lisa to wait here while I went home to get the winch cable, 15mins later I find the winch cable where I had originally directed the old farker to look for. All Dave could say “I thought I looked there” (once again I am thinking to myself, if my father-in-laws hands were made of sand-paper, surely he would have no cock left by now!)
13.15pm on our way back, I could not believe my farken eyes as we bump into Ben and Lisa on the track whom had decided to enforce the u-jack system. (Fark-you-jack-I am-off) we pull up, he winds down the window and informs me that he asked the trail bike rider to look after the Patrol, he told the trail bike rider that he and his family had to leave so they could get ready to catch the plane back to Victoria. I said your farking plane does not leave until 4.35pm. (What a farken dick-brain! it was like asking Dracula to look after the farken blood bank!) What really pissed me off was he then hands me my new Canon 60D camera, whilst he left my Patrol with a total stranger with the keys in the ignition, my wallet in the consul. (What a fuck-stick!)
As we are heading back to the Patrol I am starting to look in the sky for farking smoke (thinking the trail biker has done a runner and set the Patrol on fire.) Finally we arrive 13.20pm, no sign of the trail bike rider, however, the local park ranger was their advising me that the trail bike rider farked-off and asked him if he would look after the Patrol. I could not believe the farken comedy of errors that was occurring today!
With the father-in-law incapacitated with a crook knee, I left him sitting in his patrol while I fitted the winch cable and winched the Patrol to safety, then reversed her back down. After offering to buy a slab of beer for Ron the local ranger for looking after the Patrol at 13.40pm we then headed home. To top it off, I then tried to farken inform you lounge lizards on the forum of what occurred only to be informed that website was farked!!!!!!, Now for the first time I started to panic, thinking I had farked the website as well! What a farken day I had!
PS, See photos attached.
Regards,
RLI
10.55am whilst balancing on the rear wheel of my Patrol, my brother –in-law Ben is still in shock, while young Liam thinks this is great shit! I ask Ben to unwind the winch cable, Ben suddenly replied; “fark-me Paul, their no cable on the winch.” I then pivoted to look into the rear of the Patrol, shock horror!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No farking recovery gear in the back!!!! Farkkkkk meeeee, I said quietly!
Ben yells out “Paul I think you will have to call the NRMA or the Police for assistance mate” I said, Ben, settle down mate, do your call the farking bottle-shop if cannot unscrew a farking stubby? To easy I said, call your farken Dad and ask him to bring the farken recovery kit and the winch cable from home, we are only 15mins away. Ben calls Dave (father in-law) passes on the instructions. 10mins later, phone call from Dave, he can’t find the recovery kit, “farkkk-meee I said”, and then comes the reply he’s found it. 10 mins later another phone-call from the old-farker, this time he can’t find the farken winch cable! By now I cannot believe what is happening, (I am thinking to myself Murphy’s Law is starting to settle in!) By now cramp is now sneaking into my left leg whilst balancing on the farking Patrol. I yelled out “Dave you have farking eyes, please use them you old lovable old scrunt!” finally, he finds it, ooorahh, yee-haa; thank fark for that I said. Now get your farking arse out here ASAP.
Meanwhile, the first red-necks appear on the scene, like farking buzzard’s waiting to have ago at a dead carcass. Then the comments suddenly start from the peanut gallery; “I think your farked mate!, I don’t know how you are going to get out there? You might need a farken crane pal to lift you back down?” I just looked at the prick and said really! Then my farken brother in-law Ben starts to agree with these hillbilly scrotes! The only thing missing from these farken squeezers were the long jeans with braces. (Like in the old movie Deliverance) Minutes later a trail bike rider appears and offered to help, I advised him that my father-in-law was on his way with all the recovery gear that I needed. Fark-me all of a sudden the farken hillbillies think it’s a good idea to start taking farking photos and videos.
11.45 am now concerned by the redneck scrotes’ (especially when they have every second tooth missing and two of them even had fingers missing on their farken hands.) It turns out they all work for a local sawmill. However, the only thing that was going through my farking mind was the scene from the movie Deliverance, which is about inbreeds in a remote location in the US which captured a group of canoeists. Remember the famous scene (“Squeal like a piggie”). I am thinking to myself (Thank fark for the brother in-law and his 15 year-old step son, if I have to sacrifice them to the hillbillies so be it!)
12.15pm finally the father in-law turns up with Bens wife Lisa who followed him out in their hire car, I yelled out what the fark took you so long, the old prick replies; “we got lost” (I am saying to myself why me o ‘lord, why me!!!!!) At last Ben staggers up the hill with the recovery gear in hand, by now my legs are farking killing me whilst balancing on the rear wheel of the Patrol; it had been over an hour painstakingly farking hanging on. Quickly we secured the Patrol with snatch straps and rope tied through the front and rear passenger side door pillars, anchored it back 20 meters to a tree. Fark-me!! I could finally let go.
After watching Ben stagger/slip and then roll down the farken hill, I ask the father in-law where the winch cable is. The farker hands Ben a $10.00 Bunning’s store coiled up rope that he found in one of the cupboards in my garage!!! My farking jaw hit the farking ground; I said what the fark is that shit? I could not believe that the old farker thought that was winch cable, especially when we had conducted several winching exercisers over the years together. (What a farking tosser!)
12.45pm I jump into the father in-laws patrol, told Ben and Lisa to wait here while I went home to get the winch cable, 15mins later I find the winch cable where I had originally directed the old farker to look for. All Dave could say “I thought I looked there” (once again I am thinking to myself, if my father-in-laws hands were made of sand-paper, surely he would have no cock left by now!)
13.15pm on our way back, I could not believe my farken eyes as we bump into Ben and Lisa on the track whom had decided to enforce the u-jack system. (Fark-you-jack-I am-off) we pull up, he winds down the window and informs me that he asked the trail bike rider to look after the Patrol, he told the trail bike rider that he and his family had to leave so they could get ready to catch the plane back to Victoria. I said your farking plane does not leave until 4.35pm. (What a farken dick-brain! it was like asking Dracula to look after the farken blood bank!) What really pissed me off was he then hands me my new Canon 60D camera, whilst he left my Patrol with a total stranger with the keys in the ignition, my wallet in the consul. (What a fuck-stick!)
As we are heading back to the Patrol I am starting to look in the sky for farking smoke (thinking the trail biker has done a runner and set the Patrol on fire.) Finally we arrive 13.20pm, no sign of the trail bike rider, however, the local park ranger was their advising me that the trail bike rider farked-off and asked him if he would look after the Patrol. I could not believe the farken comedy of errors that was occurring today!
With the father-in-law incapacitated with a crook knee, I left him sitting in his patrol while I fitted the winch cable and winched the Patrol to safety, then reversed her back down. After offering to buy a slab of beer for Ron the local ranger for looking after the Patrol at 13.40pm we then headed home. To top it off, I then tried to farken inform you lounge lizards on the forum of what occurred only to be informed that website was farked!!!!!!, Now for the first time I started to panic, thinking I had farked the website as well! What a farken day I had!
PS, See photos attached.
Regards,
RLI
