just an update.
checked on the weekend by hooking a charger up in power supply mode to the main cranking battery. with the isolator engaged, and the breaker closed, both batteries showed the same voltage on the dual voltage gauge.
I then tripped/opened the breaker. even though the isolator still stayed lit (and didn't click audibly), the voltage on the auxiliary battery dropped off.
so I'm confident the wiring is correct, with the breaker tripped, the batteries are indeed separated.
also, with the car off, and the batteries joined by the isolator, if I turn on the headlights, after a while the isolator will audibly click and the light will go out, so I'm confident the isolator works as intended.
as someone mentioned above, maybe tripping the breaker just drops the voltage off the isolator too quickly for it to disengage.
hope that's clear (as mud !)