Knickers
Member
I've had the black dog snapping at me for years, the bastard shows up completely out of the blue, but that is the problem with depression, there is no reason, no symptoms and for the person suffering, there often seems to be no hope. I kept my head above water by thinking about the wonderful people in my life and what the impact on them would be if i took my own life and how i would feel if i lost a close loved one the same way. There are plenty of things you can do, but i think the first is to seek professional help. Seek out a good doctor who you feel comfortable with and be open and honest with him, he wont judge. Take a friend or family member with you if you need too. There are many different medications and if you find one that doesn't work, get something else, but never give up. I did a fair bit of reading and research. It helped me understand things and gave me a purpose. I did find the following and although very basic, it does give an insight into the problem from the sufferers point of view. It is a few things that are commonly said to a sufferer and 3 questions that can really make a difference. Its worth reading if you have someone that you know who is suffering.
1. What have you got to be sad about?
Maybe nothing at all. Maybe you have a great life, a home, a car, beautiful children, a fantastic social life. Maybe you have some or none of those. It makes absolutely no difference. Depression isn’t fussy, it takes who it takes and telling someone they have nothing to be upset about can make them feel even worse, because they KNOW that and now feel guilty for something that is out of their control.
2. You should exercise. Exercise will fix you.
No one is going to argue that exercise isn’t really helpful when you’re fighting off the black dog, but it won’t ‘fix’ anything. And it is especially irritating to hear when you are running 35km a week already. Ask me how I know.
3. My friend took {insert supplement here} and it sorted them right out.
You need to eat better / get outdoors more / have some acupuncture / etc.
That is fantastic for your friend. Great news. Bully for them.
I can only speak for myself, but before I finally dragged myself to the GP I took every supplement known to man. I went outside a lot. I mostly forgot to eat. Nothing helped. And it made me feel worse that I couldn’t fix myself without medical help. Even more of a failure.
When natural means work then that is indeed to be celebrated. But when they don’t people need to know that medication and/or counseling are good options too. Without judgement. You’d not tell a diabetic not to take their insulin, depression is another chemical imbalance that sometimes require medical treatment.
4. I had a really bad time once. I know exactly how you feel.
Maybe. It’s possible. Or maybe you had the blues for a few days, which is nothing like the soul sucking bleakness of full blown depression. It just isn’t.
Your empathy is appreciated (or will be in time) but it isn’t a competition. Please don’t turn it into one.
5. Aren’t you over that yet?
No. I didn’t know there was a time limit. Thanks for making me feel like a freak for not complying to some unknown generic timeframe that you have decided is appropriate.
Three really helpful things that have been said to me:
1. I’m here.
Mean it. Maybe physically here, maybe available online… Here without judgement however you need me. I care about you.
2. How can I help?
Maybe you can’t. Maybe I can’t tell you what I need. But knowing you are willing to help tells me you value me.
3. Are you okay?
If you are willing to listen to an honest answer and want to find ways to support me, ask away.
If you’re looking for a ‘fine thanks’ even though you KNOW that is not the case, please don’t ask. It demeans both of us.
1. What have you got to be sad about?
Maybe nothing at all. Maybe you have a great life, a home, a car, beautiful children, a fantastic social life. Maybe you have some or none of those. It makes absolutely no difference. Depression isn’t fussy, it takes who it takes and telling someone they have nothing to be upset about can make them feel even worse, because they KNOW that and now feel guilty for something that is out of their control.
2. You should exercise. Exercise will fix you.
No one is going to argue that exercise isn’t really helpful when you’re fighting off the black dog, but it won’t ‘fix’ anything. And it is especially irritating to hear when you are running 35km a week already. Ask me how I know.
3. My friend took {insert supplement here} and it sorted them right out.
You need to eat better / get outdoors more / have some acupuncture / etc.
That is fantastic for your friend. Great news. Bully for them.
I can only speak for myself, but before I finally dragged myself to the GP I took every supplement known to man. I went outside a lot. I mostly forgot to eat. Nothing helped. And it made me feel worse that I couldn’t fix myself without medical help. Even more of a failure.
When natural means work then that is indeed to be celebrated. But when they don’t people need to know that medication and/or counseling are good options too. Without judgement. You’d not tell a diabetic not to take their insulin, depression is another chemical imbalance that sometimes require medical treatment.
4. I had a really bad time once. I know exactly how you feel.
Maybe. It’s possible. Or maybe you had the blues for a few days, which is nothing like the soul sucking bleakness of full blown depression. It just isn’t.
Your empathy is appreciated (or will be in time) but it isn’t a competition. Please don’t turn it into one.
5. Aren’t you over that yet?
No. I didn’t know there was a time limit. Thanks for making me feel like a freak for not complying to some unknown generic timeframe that you have decided is appropriate.
Three really helpful things that have been said to me:
1. I’m here.
Mean it. Maybe physically here, maybe available online… Here without judgement however you need me. I care about you.
2. How can I help?
Maybe you can’t. Maybe I can’t tell you what I need. But knowing you are willing to help tells me you value me.
3. Are you okay?
If you are willing to listen to an honest answer and want to find ways to support me, ask away.
If you’re looking for a ‘fine thanks’ even though you KNOW that is not the case, please don’t ask. It demeans both of us.
