Everything wrong :)

[user 51170]

Guys,
I left my beast for 3 months, very damp, water coming in on me from above.
Ignition wont start.
Key fob not working.
I need to disconnect the battery, tap the Neg a few times, connect, and then it’ll start.
To stop, i need to stall it.
All in all, not a good deal,
Suggestions please, all gratefully receives, even the piss takes
Pete from peterborough UK

 

[Old.Tony]

Car's upside down. Should have been obvious. You're on the other side of the world, so your car needs to be turned over to make it sit right.

Seriously: pretty obvious it's not enjoyed the humidity. The very first thing I'd check is the state of the battery terminals, give them a good clean and refit them. Spray some battery terminal sealer on them just to make 'em last longer.

Then I'd look at other electrical connections, particularly:

* ECU Ground on the guard near the ECU. Corrosion may have gotten in, undo it, clean it, put it back and see if that helps
* Fusible link - built into the positive terminal plastic connector. This sometimes cracks and the crack should be visible on close inspection.
* Alternator connections (all). Undoing and redoing should be enough to clean them.

It would also be worth checking if the inside of the car has had any moisture left in it (eg damp carpets). If so, checking the BCM connections and earth points would be valuable too.

 

[user 51170]

Well, ‘you can’t make this up’ it must have been sulking, bloody thing righted itself, my guess, damp, drove a few miles, heat etc, started first time, good timing really, was gonna burn it

 

[Old.Tony]

Well, ‘you can’t make this up’ it must have been sulking, bloody thing righted itself, my guess, damp, drove a few miles, heat etc, started first time, good timing really, was gonna burn it

Good grief don't burn it, the flames will go the wrong way and scorch the grass or something.

Good to hear it's behaving itself.