I was experiencing the same (towing our 2.5T caravan up hills). Sometimes the problem is made worse by a radiator that's partially blocked.
You can hear the fan when it's coming on strong. There's a quite distinctive rushing sound - it's quite noticeable, and particularly when it's disengaging because that's when the engine power is reduced because you're coasting downhill as the temp drops.
The bimetal coil that engages the fan is supposed to lock on at 91 degrees (the manual defines this temperature as the test point for the valve).
Mine is not completely accurate in terms of engagement temperature. My cruise temperature on level ground when towing is about 94C and you'd expect the fan to be engaged then - it seems to come on at about 96C. It will disengage at around 90C.
You don't want the fan engaging fully too early - the thermostat isn't fully open until about 85C and until 85C, your glow plugs are still active. My cooling system is effective enough to bring the coolant temps down to 83C on a long downhill - it never stays there long, and I'm not inclined to mess with it to change that.
I am considering a more efficient radiator. The thinking goes like this: I'm using a certain amount of fuel to keep the revs at a particular level, and if I have to use a lower gear (to reduce the engine load to reduce temps) then I'm not getting as much speed - which means I'm covering less distance for the same amount of fuel being used. If I can keep my speed a little higher, I'm covering more ground for the same fuel so my overall consumption for the trip will be less and that's money in my pocket instead of big oil's pocket.